I hate this fuckin life

Dont ask me why. I just hate it.

I am just nobody. Not clever, not pretty, not talented, useless and etc.

I hate one kind of people.
Stop tellin me how much you care for me
Stop tellin me how well you know me
Stop tellin me what I should do and what I should not do
If you think you know me so well, you are wrong.

Stop askin me what I want
Even if I tell you, I wont get what I want from you

Asking me what do I want and if my answer is your life
Will you willing to kill yourself in front me?!

Keep sayin that you always support me
Maybe you are
But for me, you're not
You never support me in whatever damn thing I do
Who the hell is goin to support me?
There's always ME and MYSELF !



p/s just lettin out my anger

Just a random pictures taken today.

Still waiting for my package. Hope customs check it ASAP and send the package to me! No reply from Eden. Hope they reply me soon too.

I hate MALAYSIA CUSTOMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Went out with Pan today, just for awhile. Followed out some sort of gathering. Jasmine is goin to KK on Sunday. Me, Jasmine, Siew Ting, Tony, Joyce, Lukawa, Wong Sheng Wai, Chong Kok Tshun, Kong Vui Soon and Eunice were sitting in QQ Ice for almost 2 hours or more. I heard there’s some backstabbers/gossipers were backstabbing me in Sung Siew Form 6. Don’t wanna mention who they are. Well, I don’t care what they wanna say. I did not do so on them but they are treating me that way, I can do nothing.

I checked my mails and EMS tracking when I reached home. I felt disappointed and angry. Disappointed because I receive no reply from Eden and extremely mad because my package from Dollmore has been handed over to customs in West Malaysia. I hate them. Yes, goin to open my package and spoil my wigs that worth almost 200 ringgit. I am not sure whether I have to pay for the customs tax or not. All I know is they will charge 15% of the package cost that worth RM500 above. Malaysia is such a corrupted country. Too much charges for almost everything!!

Way to go, PINK!

I woke up at 5am today and turned on my computer. Checked my mail, received a reply from Kondoll. I was pissed (just a little) by their reply. Since I had been thinking for the whole night on which should I purchase from, I prefer Dollmore. Since Luts did not reply me and Kondoll said they cant help me with the signing up problem and slight chance of shipping my order to Malaysia. So, again I purchased from Dollmore! I ordered 2 wigs (both pink!). Long synthetic hair (honey pink) and a short mohair (deep pink). I like the honey pink wig. Colour of mohair wig is not really what I want, it’s TOO PINKISH! Well, I guess I will try to wash away some of the colour.

I am happy that I had ordered the wigs but I gotta pay my mum back 61 dollar (approx RM196). I am broke now. Another RM100 for my technician. Gosh, I am such a MONEY SPENDER.

My technician was telling me that he’s goin to order my lappy on Monday (YES, it’s today!) and I can get it in this week.

Month of May is BAD. I used up my piggie bank saving and my dad goin to bank so frequent because of me. Payments for my lappy and car driving lesson.


EDIT:
My wigs have been shipped! :D Payment on 5am+ and shipped around 3pm. I LOVE DOLLMORE~ XD

No luck!

My bro was bullying my cat just now. Shot my cat with water sprayer. And managed to capture this picture. That box was an EMS box from Dollmore, I just simply placed it on the floor.


I was searching for a pink fur/mohair wig. I found them but Luts (the company) does not accept PayPal (WTF?!). Again I tried to search for it from other companies and found pink mohair wig for just 10 dollar. Unfortunately (again), I cant sign up an account there! Damnit.. and I am unsure whether they receive payment through PayPal or not!


EDIT:
I was checking for my Camelia status almost everyday and I am tired of it and sick of the word "Progressing" each time I check it. I just checked (again) minutes ago. Joy is in my soul! HAHA cant describe how happy am I now! Well, she arrived Eden Doll and now in make-up progress! Hoho another 1-2 weeks then I can see her!~~~

Alice in the Wonderland

Nothing much happened on Saturday. As usual, I dislike weekends. I was searching some patterns for kimono or yukata and mohair wig making tutorial. Sigh, I cant find any tutorial with photos (I am dumb). Mohair wig is so tempting! If I am not mistaken, mohair is also known as fur wig. Of course it’s softer than the usual synthetic or human hair wig. I am looking for a pink mohair wig currently. It’s hard to find something I want.

Thinking of making the same dress as my doll at first. Well, gotta reconsider it again because if I choose Lolita dress, then it would be real expensive. Despite the price of dress, the shoes (only) cost around RM220 above. I am getting crazier nowadays. Don’t ask me why, I don’t know either. I have my own Lolita dress in my mind now, based on Alice. Modified Alice in the Wonderland. If possible, I feel like getting a pink wig and a pair of Mary Jane shoes for myself too!

Worries

Few worries came into my mind. Monday is goin to be my last lesson, just knew it today. Sigh, I am unsure bout myself whether I can pass and get my driving license or not. It’s troublesome. Driving is not fun at all. Kinda enjoyed today’s driving lesson. A girl (tomboy which I thought “she” was a HE at first) has told me many stuff bout herself when she fetched me home. And I hit no poles today!~

I was havin an afternoon nap and woke up by a phone call. Same telephone number from yesterday, tryin to reach me twice but I did not answer it. It’s from LUCT (well, I don’t expect call from them). Kinda embarrassed when he asked me “are you sleeping?” and I answered “err…no…”. He was askin me whether am I goin to go LUCT since I had done the online enrolment but not yet pay for it. I didn’t expect they would really care bout it thou.

In forum, someone mentioned bout China’s earthquake might affect Dollzone’s orders. I was never thought of it. I told my mum that my doll might be delayed due to the earthquake and she’s saying maybe I cant get my doll if the factory is in Sichuan. OMG, stop scaring me! She also said “I asked you to order from Dollmore but you wanted to order from Dollzone, gotta regret it if you wont get your doll”. (T_T)

I am goin to get a notebook soon. I was planning to buy Dell but my personal technician only deals with Acer, Fujitsu and another brand (don’t recall it). Now, I had chosen which I wanted to buy, it costs RM3,1999 but he gave me an discount, so the price is RM3,150. I am goin to pay extra RM100 by myself because of changing Vista to XP (RM50). Another RM50, my dad is trying to lower the price to RM3100 (I know it’s too much) and of course my technician wont agree that. That’s why I gotta pay the rest by my own! Luckily, my piggy bank saving left around RM300.

Sleep

I had my car drivin lesson yesterday. Good news; I didnt knock those metal poles. Bad news; car stopped half way of the road. I really do have a bad driving skill! I was daydreaming (again) when I was driving on the main road. Well, I just have 3 hours sleep before I went to Gabungan
for the lesson.

I managed to see how's the car test by JPJ. A person failed. I wonder what if I fail?! 80 ringgit to take the test back.

Reached home around 10.30am I guess. I went for a long nap after lunch. I knew that it’s not good to sleep after meal but my sight was getting so blur and my mind was driftin apart. The moment I woke up, it’s almost 7pm. I fell asleep around 9pm and woke up around 11pm. And yet, I still feel so sleepy now.

I think it was happened 2 days ago. My bro was back from school and opened the fridge. Then, he accidentally spilled my mum’s yogurt (a pot of it). I realized that my cat likes yogurt. Weird taste buds of him.

Later gotta go for my car drivin lesson again! Argh, hate it....

.......

I accidentally hit on metal poles today. Well it's not my body but the car. I was havin a car driving practice. I dislike parking. It's stupid or should I say I am stupid? What's the use of puttin those metal poles around the parking slot and makin marks on the ground? Usually, there wont be any metal poles durin my parking in future too. It's lame.

Argued with my dad because of camera. I just hate compact digital camera. Too grainy for some photos taken. Outcome of photos are ugly. They are just ugly to me! I hate that camera! Another thing, he's willing to teach his son anything and support him. Whereas for me, when I ask him to teach me something, he will surely ignore me and givin me tons of excuses or scolds me. He always asks his precious son for something and givin extra attention to him but not me. Sometimes I wonder, am I a stranger to him rather than a daughter?

Forget those. I had just uploaded some photos in Flikr and Deviant Art accounts! Well, they are the same. I just uploaded all to Flikr and two only in Deviant. My scanner was sent home today. It’s dead. I can no longer scan my stuff again!

I am waiting for Camelia as you know. Had waited for 21 days so far. Sigh, I cant see her because I am goin to the camp soon. Sad!!

I just cant stop my desire! I am wonderin the heights and body measurement for LaTi tiny dolls. Hope I can save enough amount for my next tiny doll T_T(I was thinkin to buy Mo from Dollzone but I just wanna own those cute adorable tinies!)

Will be goin to car drivin lesson later on..Argh dont feel like goin..I am lazy =x

some RANDOM photos..

It's hard to check mails, update blog and reply message recently due to my connection problem..

By the way, my chance to post with photos! :D

My cat..

Hand-sew dress by me.. i know it's ugly..
Duh.. =.=
My mum bought this baby pants for me today (RM1 - XD CHEAPP). It's cute! I like the fabric, it's so soft and smooooth!~ :3

TINY?!

OMG! I am fallin in love with those tinnies from Efdoll! They are so so CUTE! Too adorable!!
PukiPuki Full Package approx USD320! Argh!! Savin for it XD

Bad day.

Yesterday was a bad day.

When I woke up around 2pm, I still felt a bit unwell. My stomach still pain. I thought of finish up my sewing project. Not long after I sat down to do my job, I felt a sudden strong pain on my leg. At first, I thought it was just ant’s bite. I was wrong, the pain was kinda extreme and I saw a baby centipede on the floor! It’s not ant but centipede.

After I put some medicine on it, I went to continue my job again. Few minutes later, lizard’s dropping on my hand. It was terrible. Disgusting! I rushed the bathroom and washed my hand.

Next, I was sewing and suddenly my needle broke into halves.

I had done my dress, it’s so ugly! My first time sewing a dress. I was having a hard time dealing with the collar part. Sigh. The dress may need to be trashed I guess.

Oh my?

My mobile number was havin some sort of problem yesterday. I received sms hours later after they sent their sms. Jac was askin me, is it gotta off the mobile before 11pm – harmful infrared. Another info was from Blanc’s blog.

I was checkin my friends’ blogs. Almost all of them knew bout China’s earthquake. People out there, Myammar was hit by cyclone before China. This is the recent news bout Myammar http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20080516/hl_nm/myanmar_cyclone_cholera_dc

I am goin to my car drivin practice on tomorrow. Argh gotta wake up at 5am again!
My stomach is givin me trouble again. I hope it will not become worse by tomorrow. Hate this.
I was informed by my darling that I will be goin to Sandakan army camp. Sigh, don’t wanna go for it.

I had sewn a jacket yesterday. It’s my first attempt. Well, not first actually, the first one I was makin was a great failure so I dumped it. I made it from white socks. Just for practice. Sigh, hope my sewing skills will be better. I wanna go for a sewing class with Pan if possible, but I got no time now!! Sewing and knitting classes, I need them so much!

Bad LUCK!?

I went out with Jac yesterday. Bumped on Val when we were havin our lunch. Nice to see Val again XD Cant make it to meet Pan, my dad came earlier to fetch me. Missed my chance to see Lim Chi Ching, our future celeb!~

Gosh, so far, 2 persons telling me not to answer weird phone call because I will die after answerin it!
1st, my mum’s boss told me bout it. She said heard it from radio.
2nd, from Bryan’s blog.

My connection really got fucked up. Goin to be real mad bout it soon!
Not only my Internet, my mobile as well! WTF. I can hardly send or receive any sms. Same thing goes to makin phone calls.

Another bad news, received a phone call from a guy – computer technician. He told me that my scanner has died! OMG okay, broken and now turned into a junk. I still not yet finish my portfolio and get my driving license! Pathetic!

What's goin on with this world?! Girls got raped, kids got kidnapped, huge number of death in Myammar and China, etc. What's next?!!

Anyway, good luck and God bless for Jac! She’s goin to Selangor later.

UH HUH?

I am bored and sleepy now. I was supposed to be sleeping now because I gotta wake up early later. Checking others’ blogs and found Nana tagged me. Kinda lazy but here goes.

Instructions: Remove ONE question from below, and add in your personal question, make it a total of 20 questions,then tag 8 people in your list,list them out at the end of this post. Notify them in their chat box that he/she has been tagged. Whoever does the tag will have blessings from all.

1. Who is your all-time inspiration?
-No idea, depends on situation.

2. What are you going to do (today) ?
-Goin out shopping with Jac

3. What do you hate in girls and boys the most?
-Someone who thinks he/she is a genius
-Someone who likes to show off something
-Annoying people

4. Where is the place that you want to go to the most?
-Not sure..

5. If you can have 1 dream to come true, what would it be?
-My future career

6. What is the first thing you do in the morning, after you've woke up from sleep?
-Sleep again?

7. If you win 1 million, what would you do?
-Buy stuff I wanted to buy and maybe open my own business

8. If you meet someone that you love, would you confess to him/her?
-Giving hints perhaps

9. List out 3 good points of the person who tagged you.
1) Friendly
2) Easy to communicate with
3) Not a racist person

10. What are the requirements that you wish from your other half?
1) Smarter than me (doesn’t matter in which field –field that I am not good in it)
2) Positive
3) Honest and caring

12. What is your childhood dream/dream?
-Childhood dream; to be a vet
-Dream; success in my future career

13. If you have faults, would you rather the people around you point out to you or would you rather they keep quiet?
-I think they will not just keep quiet even though I wanted them to do so sometimes. So, got no choice rather than point it out?

14. What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
-My life – consist of almost everything

15. Describe yourself. 3 pros and 3 cons
Pros
1) Sleeping
2) Sitting in front of my monitor screen
3) Tell me the rest - if you know
Cons
1) Sometimes can be an unreasonable person
2) Dislike calculations
3) Selfish I guess

16. What do you want most now?
-My Camelia

17. What will you be doing once you connected to the net?
-Checking mails and blogs

18. Will you still keep in touch with long distance-friends after years?
-Yes, I do but gotta depend on them too whether they wanna keep in touch with me or not

19. What makes you different?
-People telling me that I am goin insane or abnormal for something I desired for. Asian Chinese girl with an ordinary Chinese look.

20.What would be found in YOUR refrigerator?
My dining room fridge. Too much to mention for my kitchen fridge.
Salad, jams, cheese, juices, chocolates, mushrooms, Chinese herbs.

Anyone wanna answer these, go ahead!

Additional: Sigh, disappointed. Just received reply from Edendoll. They said it takes around a month for the doll to arrive to Eden. 1-2 week for face up and body blushing! Damn.. That means, 1 month + 2 weeks + 2 weeks = 2 months. I am in the army camp by that time!

Mad!

I am mad! Why?! Because of my connection! Streamyx sux =.=

I can do nothing. Bored and done 2 pieces of editing.

http://fishai.deviantart.com/art/Dark-Angel-85634555

http://fishai.deviantart.com/art/Temptation-85627371

I need some comments/critiques.

Called it a day

I went to my mum’s place around 8am in the morning and waited til 10am. I walked to Tomato Restaurant (meeting place) to wait for Tony and Jac. Well, I saw Tony at first and we waited for around 15 minutes standin on the pathway til Jac arrived.

Nothing much, just walkin around and window shopping. Sat in Apple Restaurant for just a drink and chit-chatin. When we’re on the way to Ops boutique, we bumped on Fansu (Chong Tsun Kiat).He was goin to Mui Mui Saloon to have a haircut. He’s thinner now! @_@

Since Jac said she gotta go to Indah to meet TSY (Thien Shuk Yee), so we dismissed around 1pm. Jac walked to the bus station. We were walkin to our own places since Jac had left us, then I saw Pan. I ended up by following him to Indah by bus. I sent sms to Jac, telling her that I was in Indah. She said goin to find me after accompany TSY to buy stuff. Again, I followed Pan to Jesselton Coffee (If I did not spell the name wrongly) to wait for Jac. We chatted a lot and luckily, he’s into dolls J

I waited for quite awhile and Pan kept teasin me that my “aeroplane had been released” (fong fei kei/dumped). So, I guess Jac couldn’t come for me. (T.T). I was too lazy to go home by bus alone and I don’t expect my dad will agree to fetch me in Indah. Luckily, Pan said goin to my house to take some CDs and games!

I reached at doorstep around 6pm, I got no keys to go in because I was in a rush in the morning so I did not bring my keys! My brother was sleeping. I tried to call my house phone. I called for so many times and he just heard nothing out of it! Called my mum, she said almost reach home! *phew~*

For the whole night, I can do nothing. Blackout! I just got my electricity back around midnight. Streamyx really goin to make me insane. Connection always down!!! ARGHH!!!


p/s Sorry to Tony because we were makin you felt bored when being with us.
Thank you to Pan for payin my bus fee and for the drink! Goin to treat ya back next time :D

Creeps?!

I was thinkin to snap some pictures before I went to bed. I was too lazy to switch on the other lights too. The outcome of pictures taken ~ *I edited the color saturation*

Brightened eyes and changed color saturation. There's an aura around me........ O.O

Erm just tryin to be cute. I am not cute and definately not a cute person either.

Freakles Freckles look good sometimes?
Edited - color saturation. My hair is green and it's no lie. =x

This post has been removed. :)

Fight?!

My character stucked in-game so I went to check blogs. I went to my guild’s blog (Audition). Trouble again. I was askin them to stop fighting and got myself involved without intention.
The problem has been settled and yet there’s still someone losing her mind like a freak – scoldin and etc.
Gosh. I really hope youngsters nowadays to use proper English. Most girls twit.
It’s hard to understand what they are trying to say. Better attitude, more proper English. Especially for Singaporeans. (No offence).

And now, I feel like quiting the guild. I am havin a great communication failure and cant withstand those attitude of someone.

Lalala~

Okay, it's tired of waiting. This is only the sixth day of waitin for Camelia. Terrible! I feel like I had been waitin for such a long long time. I am planning to bring her to my church's compound for photoshoting. If anyone knows any place with nice scenes in Sandakan, please tell me~ Of course, not somewhere with lotsa people.

Actually today I was supposed to go out with Jac. Since she's off today. She didnt inform me that we're goin out on the day before, so I thought our plan is canceled. Around 9am something, I was half sleeping, she sent a message to me that we’re goin out at 10.20 am. I was like “what…….?!” I don’t have vehicle to go out.

Yesterday, if not mistaken, my darling and I were playing in Audition. We thought our ring was goin to change since we had leveled our couple level. Duh, cash again! He went out to buy cash. I thought I was goin to fail our Love Party. Luckily passed for the last chance!

I had been playin a game called Wonderland these 2 days. It’s a 2D online game. Looks a bit like first few versions of Final Fantasy. I know I might sounded a bit dumb but I am playin it.

Few Cabal friends had been asking me “are you quiting cabal?” these days too! I was not sure of my answer. All I can tell is maybe I had quit Cabal.

Pics ~

LOL I was plannin to upload here but I was too lazy to transfer those pics from my phone. Anyway, here ~~ Ignore the low resolution pictures and the background. My bro was studying last night and left the book on table.

A Mickey T-shirt, CanCan lace shirt and a sunglasses from Dollmore (I love em~)

Pinky strips stocking, bracelet size of human ring, a bunny doll and a teddy bear doll~
Card and sticker from Dollmore XD

Suprise~

My mum just got back from work and I was just woke up. Then I saw a box on table. At first, I just passed by the box and saw "Dollmore" text. I'm so happy~ My items from Dollmore had arrived! It only takes within a week to arrive here. Payment on 26th April and arrived today~~!

end

My birthday just passed. *this is my 100th post :D*

I received an sms from my cousin around 4pm. She had finally settled the payment! I was so happy because I don’t have to let go my dear Camelia~

My mum was planning to celebrate my birthday. She made me a hard boiled egg for my breakfast (Chinese tradition to eat hard boiled egg on birthday). She cooked a special dinner for me and my family too. Mutton steak!~ And ordered a birthday cake for me.

Now, excuse me for my sucky pictures!~ They are blur. Taken by mobile.

Random pic. View from outside window. Green!

Took this when my mum was cookin XD

Hmmnn~ Yumm~

My cake >_<

Random pic. I cut my nails. Sigh, a little bit regret because I cut em too short! T.T